I never imagined I would be expressing my love for my mother and celebrating her Birthday with anyone other than her.
We expected 2017 to be our year, my Mother and I. Today is her 50th birthday and last week I had my 21st birthday. The past three years we planned and prepared for our big year together with each of us having a milestone birthday. We started planning these two weekends together since our birthdays last year. I know it sounds excessive, but if you knew my mother and I personally, then you know that this wasn’t something out of the ordinary. She was so excited to take me to Las Vegas for my 21st Birthday and so was I.
Though, I was more excited because I was truly starting to understand just how amazing my mother was; and that she was a hundred percent cooler than me.
I hope wherever she is right now, she is at peace and she feels nothing but pure happiness on her special 50th birthday today. I can’t lie and say that today and the past two weeks I have stayed positive because I haven’t. I’m heartbroken she didn’t make it to her 50th Birthday celebration trip through Europe; she deserved that. I have had some especially hard days; days that have been full of negative thoughts and sad uncontrollable emotions.
I suppose I know that now all holiday’s, special events, traditions, Mom’s day events, etc. will leave me with an empty feeling. I explained how I am attempting to deal with the sadness I feel during the days that should be the happiest moments; in my post-Christmas Without You. I hope I can fill that emptiness by connecting with my mom by experiencing my life the way she taught me to live it.
It’s hard not to ask “Why? Why did this have to happen?”
Although, I know this isn’t good for me to do. I know that my mom wouldn’t want me to spend my days searching for answers that will never come; answers that will explain to me why she had to leave when she did.
My memories of her; her inspiring appreciation for everything this world had to offer, further guide me to discover my place in life; my place where I am truly happy.
Accordingly, for her 50th birthday celebration, I am attempting to spend the day doing things that she loved; with hopes that she is somewhere experiencing nothing but love.
Here’s to you Mom♥
You truly were too pure to exist in the climate of the world I live in today.
I love you more than anything. I know your reply to this if you were here would be:
“I love you more than you love me, I love you more than anyone else ever will; No love is stronger than a Mother’s love for her child.”